Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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