He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
