i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
