Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
