her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
