When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
