textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
