So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
