3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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