I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
