Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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