My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
