We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
