Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
