He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
