Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
