Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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