mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
