She's JV to your varsity
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
