1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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