Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
