you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
