I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
