remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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