Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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