so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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