she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
