Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
