I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
