Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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