jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
