Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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