Sponge bath it is.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
