so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
