no, he came in my armpit
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
