just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
