If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
not ubering you a puppy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
