i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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