just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
