she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
