i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
