Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
