sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
