piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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