I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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