Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
