Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
