My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
