Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
