I got chris browned last night
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
